Good Morning, my Directors Of The Bored.
I feel with light at the end of the tunnel we may be dismantling ‘The Bored’ shortly, but that’s not bad news.
Let’s enjoy it while we can, and dive straight in to Thursday’s selection.
The Useful
As I saw the bus pass by the other day I found myself wondering if there might be a way to persuade some people to continue wearing masks long after there was an actual requirement or need. I still consider it a valuable idea to make the surrounding world we’ve re-entered more aesthetically pleasing. And I say that acutely aware I may not make the cut myself, not least because, as I type, my tongue is lodged firmly in my cheek.
The casting call is out for the ‘funky’ and ‘unusual’.
These are the people wanted by the new Lord Of The Rings TV show, but you have to be in, or get to, New Zealand.
World Of The Weird
As the world slowly emerges from Lockdown, the week’s oddest tentative step came from the Liceu de Barcelona which staged a performance for an audience of plants.
Things That Make You Go Awwwwww
Meet Bubble and Squeak, 2 baby otters born at London Zoo during Lockdown.
Things We’ve Discovered In Lockdown
OK, so, you know the one from Masterchef that looks like Professor Bunsen Honeydew from The Muppets?
Yeah, Greg Wallace, that’s him.
He’s been showing off his fourth wife for a glossy piece in the press.
Gregg’s 55, Anna’s 34, and their son Sid is 1.
They have what most would view as a slightly unorthodox living arrangement.
It came about when they discussed having family.
‘I said: “Yes, I’m willing to have a baby with you, but a couple of provisos … I’m not willing to swap my fun, sexy girlfriend for an exhausted mum. We make enough money, I’d like you to get help in the house.” Anna said “What about my mum?”. That was perfect.’
‘The second condition was that I would get two weeks away with Anna every year, just us.’
From where he’s standing, he says, it’s obvious. Younger men might have the time to ‘lose’ their wives to child-rearing. But he had Sid at 55, ‘which meant I wouldn’t get my wife back until I was 75.’
So their solution is that Anna’s Mum and Dad live with them full time. The women run the house, Dad takes care of the odd jobs and garden. 5 acres of garden.
Here’s my favourite line of the entire piece.
‘When they moved in, they wanted to contribute. I said “No way. You don’t need to spend your money any more. Enjoy your retirement. Come and look after us.”
Run yourself to the grave in luxury.
Gregg thinks Anna’s the first person who’s ever actually liked him, and admits he’s difficult to live with. Well, I imagine mealtimes could be tough.
Wives 2 and 3 didn’t split exactly, they just didn’t get past the semi-finals.
I suppose if it works and he’s happy, good for him. We shouldn’t knock it. Much like Madonna though, just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.
Here’s a cool story.
A 10 year old kid told off for doodling in class, has now landed a deal to illustrate three books for a publisher.
It’s time for The Funnies
Remember the round on Never Mind The Buzzcocks where someone would be tasked with singing a nursery rhyme in the style of Mick Jagger, or whatever? This guy’s brilliantly made a career out of it.
Today’s News In Brief
Let’s end on a song.
It’s not the best of Gary’s Crooner sessions, but don’t say that aloud anywhere near or Gary’s face would be tripping him, seeing as how his is the only face between them which retains any actual natural movement.
I suddenly feel an urge to make it up to you.
Love stuff like this. One of the intricate, beautifully creative aspects of Lockdown.
Thanks for reading.
Stay safe x
#LaughterSpreadsFaster
Sociable Distance 