Another week, (our 14th in Lockdown by my maths), and another partial easing, as we enter Phase 2 in Scotland.
Still no beer gardens allowed to open, which is probably for the best in terms of the blog, because I can virtually guarantee my capacity to write would diminish in almost direct correlation to the amount of beer gardens operational.
That being said, I sense we possibly don’t have too much longer together if I stick to my original pledge to try and see you through the other side of the outbreak with a giggle.
Of course, I wouldn’t rule out the possibility of me having to get behind the keyboard at a later date either, but let’s both hope I’m not required to do that.
Anyway, here we are for Blog 75 (is there a badge for that one?), so let’s crack on.
As you know, if you’re a regular here, I’ve made a secondary promise on the blog to keep discussing, trying to learn more (and in turn hopefully educating others as I go) with regards to racism, and in particular Black Lives Matter.
I think this is interesting. It’s a study of purely British Black families, and how the parents have explained what’s going on to their kids.
I’ll continue this as we blog more.
For now, on with today’s selection.
The Useful
As Lockdown continues to ease the advice for hairdressers as they get set to reopen is NOT to talk directly to your customer, but look into the mirror and hold your discussion that way.
Isn’t that what hairdressers already do? Here’s the rest of the advice.
Next, experts tell us why our houses are ruining our wines. Apparently this affects both red and white, and it all comes down to central heating, double glazing and refrigeration.
To be absolutely honest, I don’t think any wine is in our house long enough for any of those factors to take effect.
Do you have FOMU (Fear Of Meeting Up)? It’s very common, and here’s some advice on how to conquer it.
There are a few ifs ahead of this piece. If you’re fortunate enough to have the money to still be able to think about a holiday abroad this Summer, if Spain is your favoured destination and if you’re prepared to travel by ferry to get there, the following advice is for you. You can travel to one of three Spanish ports from the UK, including beautiful Bilbao, below.
World Of The Weird
As masks looks like they’re here to stay at least for a bit, the market for them is becoming busier by the day. You can get a mask of your own face printed. The question is, why?
Things That Make You Go Awwwwww
Ever thought about getting cameras to see what your pets are up to when you’re out? You might want to think again after you’ve read this.
It’s time for The Funnies
Today’s News In Brief
A Scotsman walks into offices of private bankers Coutts & Co in the Strand, London (Bankers to the Royal Family since 1820) and asks to speak to the manager.
He informs him that he is going abroad on business for two weeks and needs to borrow £5,000. The Manager tells him that Coutts & Co would only be delighted to meet his requirements, but that he should understand that since he is not a client of the Bank, it would need some modest security for the loan.
So the Scotsman, takes out the keys and documents of a brand new Ferrari parked in front of the bank, and hands them to the manager saying “Will this do?” He also produces the car’s log book and after a phone call, everything checks out fine. The manager agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan; the cashier hands out £5,000 while the bank’s porter drives the Ferrari into the bank’s underground garage for safe keeping.
Over lunch the manger tells his colleagues the amusing little story of how a simple minded Scot from North of the Border secured a loan for £5,000 offering a £120,000 Ferrari as collateral and they all enjoy a good chuckle as they sip their Port.
Two weeks later, the Scotsman returns, repays the £5,000 and the interest, which comes to £15.41. The manager says, “Sir, we have been more than happy to have had your business and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are just a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are in fact a wealthy property investor. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow £5,000 from us?”
The Scotsman replies: “Where else in London can I park my Ferrari for two weeks for only £15.41 and expect it to be still there when I return?”
Hello. Thank-you for calling the ‘Parenting in lockdown Helpline UK’
Unfortunately, your phone-call is in a long queue. We receive a high volume of emergency calls, particularly during Home Schooling hours and meal-times, so please be patient and someone will be with you as soon as possible.
Please choose from one of the following options…
Press 1. If you have just told a child they have ‘UNTIL THE COUNT OF THREE’ but have no idea what to say next.
Press 2. If you wish to talk to a grown-up and have an actual conversation.
Press 3. If you have banned all screens and don’t know what to do now?
Press 4. To hear a soothing voice count to ten and tell you it’s all going to be OK.
Press 5. If your child has just given up their daytime nap and you require counselling.
Press 6. If you are trying to teach a child fractions and need urgent assistance.
Press 7. If you need an emergency delivery of wine.
Press 8. If you are trapped under a pile of laundry.
Press 9. If you have sustained an injury whilst doing PE with Joe. Please hang up and dial 999.
Press 10. If your child requires an urgent ‘Fortnite’ rehab referral.
If you are developing symptoms of Compulsive Amazon Ordering Syndrome – please hold to speak to one of our trained specialists.
Press 0 to hear these options again.
Let’s end on some music, as I yet again fall into a trap of my own making.
The idea here is that I play you a track, recorded in Lockdown, which has come about largely thanks to the wonders of technology, and the itch creative people need to scratch when they’re cooped up for too long – that urge to perform or turn out something inventive.
I’ve succeeded in finding those tracks every day thanks to those creative folk, but I’ll admit, on occasions it’s been a little bit of a struggle and I’ve had to look for longer than I’d prefer to devote to the subject.
So when I find a day where I’m unusually blessed with a few arriving all at once, I should do the sensible thing and ration them for when times are leaner again.
But I can’t!
Thanks for reading
Stay safe x
#LaughterSpreadsFaster
Sociable Distance 