Friday May 22nd #LaughterSpreadsFaster

Good Morning and Happy Friday my Directors Of The Bored,

Ordinarily, this would be a weekend you’d longed for ages to arrive – another May Bank Holiday where the prospect of Summer is tantalisingly close and you get the chance to spend some well-earned time off with the family.

Instead, you’re hovering by the door of the house anxiously waiting to get out, like that moment on Star Trek where Spok scans the alien planet to find if it’s designated class M and able to support human life without the need for oxygen and space suits.

Some dates in the calendar have been rendered almost meaningless by Coronavirus, but if you are fortunate enough to be with your family this weekend, even if at stages you feel you could all throttle each other after being incarcerated for this length of time in each other’s company – stop, take a step back, and realise how lucky you are and how thankful you should be. Not everyone has that apparently simple pleasure and we should never, ever take it for granted.

Incidentally, the only reason I knew it was a Bank Holiday weekend was because I woke up to torrential rain. It was such a surprise after all the good weather we’ve had, almost refreshing in a way. And that’s from someone who lives in a Scottish climate where the next evolution of the human race is that some here will be born with gills, fins, and flipper-like feet.

Thankfully I stopped myself one step shy of turning into my granny by saying “Ach well, but the plants were needing it”

People Are Amazing

I sort of reluctantly placed this piece in here. I fully understand these two are not frontline workers, and that whenever you share anything Royal it invites division, but the fact remains they didn’t have to do this and they’ve made a few folk have a happier afternoon or evening than they might otherwise have had. Additionally, it highlights how desperate the machine that is the Royal Family Brand is to paper over the fissure that’s been created by the absence of their previously best PR tool – Harry and Meghan. Partly because of the way William was no doubt raised, encouraged to be more reserved because he had a higher calling and duty to undertake, and partly because he seems to have been blessed with more of a brush of his father’s appearance and demeanour than his Mum’s, the gap and the visible difference in styles is enormous. But they still did it. And for that, they’re in. So there.

The Useful

Want to be one of the folk catapulted into our previous category and feel amazing as a result? This is probably a good first step, and just a very cool idea. Also, if you’ve been feeling a bit down or useless this past while, I’m pretty certain this will address those feelings and sort them out completely. It’s a collection of Volunteer Apps which can help you make good use of your free time by helping others.

Best of all, these are socially distant compatible – you don’t even have to leave the house.

Next, with more announcements all the time about the gradual easing of Lockdown it looks like, certainly in this country, the plan is for kids to return to some form of official schooling after the Summer Holidays in August. From what I can tell from the ever-evolving idea, authorities hope to move to some kind of mix’n’match system whereby there will be a more traditional attending school part, and a continuation of virtual home schooling as well. Obviously there’s a lot of stuff to be thrashed out, but the chances are at some stage, your child will be leaving the house to go to school on their own, and the guidelines will still most likely dictate they should be wearing masks. This article offers the best advice on how to get them to do that.

Depending on the age of your kids I imagine a few minutes of explanation involving looking at pictures of these guys may help.

In fact, I would expect Disney/Marvel to be on this really quickly….and…hang on…hold the line please caller……incoming.

There’s already an entire Disney Range. Irks me a little they’re not simply being designed and sold to raise money for charitable causes, but then I suppose Disney wouldn’t be Disney if yadda yadda yadda….

This is a useful reminder too. If there’s one good thing that’s come out of Lockdown it’s .…the end of FOMO. You’re not missing out on anything because nobody else can go out either.

The article in the link above looks at that and the other positive changes which have occurred. Whether any of them survive post Lockdown depends largely on us.

Now, bearing in mind I said I woke up to the rain knowing it must therefore be a Bank Holiday Weekend, the sunshine can’t be far away. I for one am really looking forward to Scotland’s allotted 4 days of Summer. They don’t even run concurrently, but on the days they do happen, here’s the good advice for what not to do in order to avoid looking like this guy.

And with good weather in mind, a reminder of barbecue etiquette.

Whoever wrote that hasn’t read Sunzi’s The Art Of War. They won’t be in charge of the grill next Summer.

World Of The Weird

This section is dedicated to behavioural changes in Lockdown, both animal and human, which in other times might be viewed as ….a little strange.

Example 1

Example 2

This guy, who clearly fancies himself as Crocodile Dundee.

He broke into a museum in Australia overnight, simply to take selfies with the dinosaurs.

Australia, with a surprisingly high tolerance for criminals, ever since we sent all ours there a few hundred years back, has told this German student he can stay, provided he adheres to a few rules.

Example 3

You can now video call farm animals.

It’s an idea from Stepney City Farm if your family is missing being in touch with the outdoors. There are various packages available, all of which are hugely over-priced in my opinion, but that’s all relative isn’t it.

That’s just one of the businesses adapting to a Zoom world. There are a few others which may help your kids through an afternoon of Lockdown boredom.

Things We’ve Discovered In Lockdown

Farmers in New Zealand are now rounding up their sheep with robots

This is literally the opening scene of every sci-fi horror ‘the robots revolt’ movie ever made.

And if you’ve been watching the latest adaptation of ‘The War Of The Worlds’, Season 1, on Fox, starring Gabriel Byrne, you’ll know these guys look EXACTLY like the alien landing forces sent out to exterminate survivors.

Next, teachers have a hugely competitive spirit to out lip-sync and out-perform every other school staff on the planet. (Or, they’ve just gone mildly nuts like the rest of us during Lockdown.) Either way, I heartily applaud this effort from the staff at my son’s school.