Happy Mayday!
I miss when it was an actual Bank Holiday so none of the Direct Debits or Standing Orders came off your account, and you could happily lie to yourself over the weekend that you were a financially viable character who could afford to go out for nice meals.
What else is it they say? Pinch Punch First Of The Month?
There’s a strong chance I’ve said this before, but my feeling is if anyone ever approached me for a pinch followed by a punch, my gut reaction would take over and I’d smash their face in whether they were happily proclaiming “Pinch Punch” at the time or not.
Besides, if anyone does give that a go towards you in these times, I’m fairly certain you could have them arrested for breaching Social Distancing protocols, and, most likely, Assault.
I would push further and have them arrested for it in normal times as well, simply on the grounds it irritates me purely as an idea. Their punishment would be their victim had the opportunity to return the Pinch Punch, whilst the accused was perched on a cliff top.
They certainly wouldn’t do it again.
John Mellis – Quashing stupid traditions since May 2020.
I’m glad we had that opportunity.
Now, on with the show.
People Are Amazing
This is the section where we marvel as every day people do extraordinary things in exceptional times.
First today, this.
Torphins is a village in Deeside about 4 miles away from our own. In recent Christmases this kind of thing has popped up.
Now, mid Lockdown, look what’s appeared.
Welcome to our blog Andy Murray. Andy’s just won a virtual tennis tournament, edging rival David Goffin 7-6 in a tiebreak on the PlayStation game Tennis World Tour to secure the title Madrid Open Virtual Pro Champion.
Good Lad.
Finally, you know Captain Tom, or Colonel Tom as he is now, complete with his telegram from Her Majesty?
Turns out he could’ve made his donation to the NHS with his Blankety Blank cheque book and pen.
The Useful
This could easily have appeared in the section above but we’re a bit over-subscribed there for Grandads showing the younger generation how things are done.
Here’s another one to help alleviate the boredom of Lockdown. Guess the countries from the picture clues. Number 1 is Canada, if that helps. See you on the other side.
Zoom Calls have definitely become ‘a thing’ in Lockdown. Most of us are using them for work and pleasure, but have you noticed you’re becoming increasingly knackered after finishing on a call?
Whether you Skype, FaceTime, Zoom, Portal, use Microsoft Teams or anything else, here’s why you’re tired after the video call, AND how to beat it.
Another Lockdown Issue for many is what to do about hairstyles. I’ve said before, I’m quite intrigued to find out if mine will grow at all. And besides, my Dad’s definition was always “the only difference between a bad haircut and a good one is a fortnight”.
But some are finding it all too much, yet the prospect of a friend or family member holding the scissors and clippers seems too large a risk, so these guys have found a workaround.
For 15 pounds, (split between a barber and the NHS) you get a 20 minute online consultation with a top professional hairdresser, who’ll talk through what your temporary hairdresser has to do to get the best results.
Not bad, so long as you’re done in 20 minutes.
World Of The Weird
Here, we focus on members of the population as the pressures of Lockdown force them to start unravelling and exhibit a range of odd behaviours.
Example A
Example B
Example C. Missing someone so much during Lockdown all you can think of is giving them a big squishy hug?
Well, you need a Mini Me, or rather, a Mini Them.
Get the full story here.
And Example D, the guy who’s giving himself a tattoo for every day we’re in Lockdown. He describes himself as looking a bit like a Blue Cheese right now.
Chris, who’s actually a qualified tattoo artist himself, says he’s doing it as a reminder of how long Lockdown lasted, and to keep himself in practice for when he’s eventually allowed to return to work.
You can follow his daily progress here.
Now, it’s time for The Funnies
Today’s News In Brief
Let’s play out with some music.
This remains one of the most remarkable performances I’ve ever seen.
Anyone would be wildly excited to have their singing voice compared to Celine Dion or Andrea Bocelli, but both?!
Thanks for reading.
Have a great weekend.
Stay safe x
#LaughterSpreadsFaster
Sociable Distance 