Let me get this right – in Scotland the advice is now to wear something over your face when in an enclosed place where social distancing may be impacted. Places like shops.
I don’t know. Last time I wore a mask in Costco I got 14 years. This is going to be a harder sell than you think Nicola.
Directors Of The Bored, welcome to Wednesday and our continuing efforts to keep you entertained throughout this Lockdown period. I’m here as long as it takes trying to make laughs spread around the world quicker and for longer than Coronavirus.
If you’ve only got a couple of minutes spare (liar liar pants on fire), then scroll towards the bottom of the blog and get today’s lovingly curated funny stuff there, but do so in the full knowledge you’ll miss out on World Of The Weird, The Useful and a couple of random joyous things I’m about to scatter bomb in the next wee bit in a first of its kind feature which may well not return called Things That Make You Go Awwwwww.
Things That Make You Go Awwwwww
Question: What is a bison?
Answer: Something you wash your face in (if you’re Australian), but for everyone else…..
This is the first time bison have been here since 1877
The Useful
First today, one which will come in handy if you’re running out of stuff when you’re cooking. Got some simple everyday workarounds here. Stuff like – self raising flour can be replaced by sifting two teaspoons of baking powder with each cup of plain flour.
Loads more like that, here.
This next one’s useful if you’ve got time to kill. It’s also pretty cool if you’re of an age where I type the words “The Goonies” and you get that excited chill you last had when you were a kid.
They’ve been reunited by Olaf star Josh Gad, who, on the evidence of at least 5000 more cool things like this I may start to consider forgiving for luring me into the cinema with a trailer which appeared to tell a comedic tale about a funny snowman who lost his nose, and NOT A MUSICAL .
Anyhoo, Josh got together the original cast, Exec Producer Steven Spielberg, Director Richard Donner, Chris Columbus who wrote the screenplay and Cyndi Lauper who performed the theme.
During the chat the cast read some scenes and answered questions like ‘will there ever be a Goonies sequel?’
Sometime later this year, on a quiet news day – (trust me journalists, they will be back at some point), you’ll absent-mindedly catch the story with half-an-ear telling you the words ‘Zoom’ and ‘Lockdown’ have made it into this year’s Oxford English Dictionary. And you’ll cast your mind back and think….”oh yeah, those were really big for a while”.
Well, in the meantime while they still are, you’ll be using Zoom for work, catch ups with mates, exercise classes AND pub quizzes. You’ve seen at least a couple of your pals punting one they’re doing on your Facebook timeline, guaranteed.
If you are taking part in one, but can’t come up with a name, we’ve got you covered.
My personal favourite is ‘The Three Must Get Beers’, but I appreciate the limitations on its usage.
Incidentally, if you don’t know, it’s really easy to change your online Zoom name by clicking the three dots on the top right hand side of your box on the screen. ‘Rename’ will appear as one of your drop-down options. You can also change your background should you be so inclined.
I can’t guarantee anything on the background (because I didn’t do it), but I can say in all certainty your name will revert to its usual automatically for your next Zoom use, in case you’re worried about The Three Must Get Beers popping up during a work meeting.
And finally today in The Useful, I’ll throw in this as the ultimate time waster but also suggest you’d have to be completely nuts to take it on.
Amazon is selling a 1000 piece jigsaw of nothing.
If you go ahead and buy this, my advice is to paint any kind of picture over it when assembled to make it easier a second and third time.
World Of The Weird
This section documents what would often, in normal times, be referred to as irrational behaviour, but under the intensity of a Lockdown has become surprisingly commonplace.
Items like…..
Or….
I mean, I understand boredom, but not the necessity to risk death in combatting it.
And this, I’m still getting my head around. First it was, make an outfit with a pillow and a belt, then it progressed to duvets. Now, we’re onto shopping bags?
Things We’ve Discovered During Lockdown
Some holiday destinations are so desperate for you to visit post Lockdown, they’ll pay part of your trip there and the accommodation once you get there.
Sicily is prepared to lure you with the offer of paying up to half the cost of your flights, and up to a third of your hotel costs.
Find out more here
Just remember, now more than ever, it is not recommended to take back any kind of parcel from Sicily to Uncle Vinnie who stays only minutes away from Heathrow.
It’s time for The Funnies
Where’s my Janey Godley board? Got it….Hud on. Right.
Now, today’s News In Brief
Let’s play out with some music, and another Quarantune from Gary Barlow.
Thanks for reading.
Stay safe x
#LaughterSpreadsFaster
Sociable Distance 