If you’re one of those people who say, “God I loved my school years. I’d go back there in an instant if I could…”, you clearly don’t remember (or never cared about) the workload.
6.56am, Sunday, and I’m up blogging now to clear my day so I can help my boy with the very last schoolwork he’s going to do before we have Easter off.
It’s been dragging on like an Eastenders plot, but we only have Science and French left and we’re done.
That said, God knows I’ve gone on about it waaaaaay more than enough these last couple of days, (check here if you’re a parent and find out if you’re having the same bother) so I’ll shut it.
Instead, focusing on the positive – what that means for you my Directors Of The Bored, is you’ll have a Sunday Bonanza Blog to enjoy as you laze about the house. It’s like getting handed the Broons and Oor Wullie pullout from the Sunday Post when you were wee, except this will probably have more adult humour.
Briefly, while we’ve touched on the subject – Maggie Broon, eh. What a girl. She’s the sister who didn’t look like Jimmy Krankie.
I want to start today by talking about the industry which has provided my life’s work – radio.
I’ve been working on radio for thirty years and I’m still in love with it.
There really is no other medium like it. In a time where traditional print journalism has been all but left behind by online news, and the television we all used to gather round at an appointed hour to watch a specific show is in a real battle with other providers who showcase what you want, when you want to binge it, radio, despite threats from streaming giants has held its own, and in fact is thriving, because its appeal has always been locked in delivering the ‘now’, what’s happening this instant, from a period long before the audience was educated to worship at ‘now’s’ alter. And so far as the streaming competition is concerned, radio’s allure has always been greater. Sure, the songs which play for the largest chunk of any hour form part of the reason you listen, but what makes you come back is the voice or voices you hear in between.
Your pals.
And that’s why now is a time radio is reporting record online listening. It’s not immediately possible to measure accurately who’s got a station switched on as it’s broadcasting, except for online, where you can actually see the usage increasing. Not to the point where you can predict down to the last person the numbers out there-(for a start you have no clue how many are in each location), but you are able to determine there’s been an upsurge in percentage terms from what it was last week, or the day before.
And people are turning to radio in droves.
Why?
For information?
Possibly.
To get away from all the information?
That’s probably a bigger motivator.
Radio, you see, in a period like this, is the audio equivalent of comfort food.
Simply put, it makes you feel better. It makes you feel like you belong. Like you’re home.
And that’s a remarkable gift. It’s a testament to the people who work on air and behind the scenes, who are keeping it going every day in these extraordinary times.
They are key workers. OK, not in the sense of saving lives like the doctors and nurses across the land, but they provide the very thing which allows that medical staff to decompress, or to get up and face another day.
Every single person who works in the industry is facing exactly the same issues you are. Some are being forced to work from home, but the show must go on. Literally.
And from the BBC, through the commercial sector to community and hospital radio, I’ve never been so proud and uplifted to be able to say – this is MY team. That’s what I do.
Years ago, at Northsound 1, when I was on the Breakfast Show, I got an email from a listener, thanking me for something I’d said.
He and his wife were on the road at the time. They weren’t talking. They were numb. They’d just got in the car after coming away from ARI, where they’d lost a baby through a miscarriage. Both in shock, neither feeling like speaking or even knowing what to say, they’d simply switched on the radio to fill the emptiness.
“I’m not even sure what exactly it was you said”, wrote Neville, “perhaps it was HOW you said it, but I realised we both giggled in the car, despite ourselves, in spite of what we’d just been through. And I knew in that moment there would be laughter again. Thank you”
I still have that printed off somewhere. It’s worth more to me than any award.
That connection radio has is unique.
I was up really early this morning, and switched on Steve Allen on LBC. In the space of 10 minutes I was creasing myself laughing as he talked about a Z list celeb who he flippantly dismissed with a “I wish I could suffocate you, I really do”, followed by a story about a top flight footballer who’d reportedly had a sex party. “Honestly, who has one of those?” balked Steve .“Most people just have a cake and candles, maybe a face-painter and a clown. A magician if you’re really pushing the boat out.”
What makes it even funnier is if you’ve ever heard Steve before, you read those lines, and in your head you heard Steve’s voice.
This was at about 6 in the morning on a Sunday and I thought, if I was a medical worker up at this time to start another shift, this is EXACTLY the thing that would keep me going.
Well done Steve x.
Onward, ever onward.
OK, just so you’re aware – given what I know is coming up in today’s blog, I think this is the best one we’ve published in terms of the ‘wow’ and ‘laughter’ content. Lucky you.
First though, I always like to mention the stuff we think could be useful in these times.
There’s also a great bit here on the recipes that’ll get us through lockdown whether you’re struggling for ingredients or suddenly find yourself overflowing with one thing or another because you panic bought. I particularly like the recipe for Andrex Gnocchi.
Now, if those fingers you’ve been washing are prone to being fashioned into ‘jazz hands’ in happier times you’ll be delighted to learn this news from Andrew Lloyd Webber, despite his continuing visual evolution into a James Bond megalomaniac from the 1970s.
Possibly the greatest news of all time.
I’m happy to accept this information as legit from the photo alone, but if you’d like to explore the science before pouring a tall Laphroaig, you’ll find it here. Slàinte mhath!
Next, welcome to World Of The Weird, where we follow the increasingly odd behaviour of both humans and animals during lockdown.
Slippers’ new friend is at least 6 feet away. Well done Slippers.
And you won’t believe this story, about these sea turtles. Would never have happened in normal circumstances, only now.
This next piece is apparently outside Tesco, Lang Stracht. God bless him. Is six feet far enough?
Did I say this bit was about the strange behaviour of humans and animals? Scrub that.
Finally, today for World Of The Weird, the story of Victoria Beckham face-timing NHS staff to wish them well and say thank you for the work they’re doing. It’s a sweet gesture for sure, but why Victoria? It’s almost like the Queen’s asked her and David to stand in for Meghan and Harry until she can complete the open auditions to replace them.
“OK, everyone, before I go….who wants to sing a long a zig a zig ah?……..Hello?…..hello???….Must’ve lost the connection. Oh well.”
Next, ‘People.Are. Amazing.’
Loved this.
And this.
And most of all, this.
Time for the funnies.
And now today’s News In Brief.
Normally on our blog, we like to play out with a piece of music. Today is slightly different. We’re going to finish with a Dance-Off, after this gorgeous cover.
If there’s a lesson to be learned by Anna Kendrick and Zendaya here, it’s ‘know when you’re beaten’.
This is a, ‘more than above average’ amateur Dance video.
But hold everything because this guy and his family have just won the internet for today.
I have nothing left to say or do here except drop my mic.
Oh and watch Queenie tonight at 8. She’s staying up especially for it.
Oh, and wash your hands.
Oh, and stay safe x
#LaughterSpreadsFaster
Sociable Distance 