Friday April 3rd #LaughterSpreadsFaster

Morning World!

Directors Of The Bored, I’m typing this at 6.36am GMT having already been up for an hour and a half researching bits and bobs for today’s blog.

I’m not coveting your sympathy, merely colouring in the picture.

Ordinarily, I’m writing from about 7.30, but today is the last in the school term, or would’ve been before that was shot to hell like everything else. I’m one of those people who believes kids should be able to enjoy holidays without the requirement to undertake any homework, mostly because the setting of any homework over a holiday period is largely pointless. Even when you make them sit down to do it, they’re not at their best, and invariably they’ve thrown everything in their dodging repertoire (and the kitchen sink) at this in full practiced avoidance technique, so they find themselves at 8pm the night before returning to school compiling an essay they remember nothing about in terms of classwork because it was taught virtually three weeks before.

I appreciate there’s an argument to be made there about bad parenting technique on my part, but I’ve been up since the middle of the night so my advice to you would be to not make that argument or I’ll smash your face in.

In an effort to head this off at the pass, I promised my eldest I would sit down with him and together we’d blast through a full day to try and get it all out of the way so he could enjoy his holidays.

That means having to blog earlier to complete my day, because I don’t like letting you down, and the result is I’ve been up since 5am watching Gary Barlow virtually duetting with loads of other stars, in consideration for inclusion.

I look like ‘The Scream’ by Edvard Munch, but needs must.

From what I can tell, the workload includes English, Drama, Science, Graphic Communication, ICT, PSE, Modern Studies, Computing and French to completed before the end of play today.

Should be interesting considering I thought one of those was a team in the Championship in Scotland and another a top flight Dutch side from their Eredivisie.

If we need help, I’ll send up a flare around lunchtime.

In the meantime, as usual, some absolute belters on the blog, designed to make you giggle at a time where you probably need it most.

First though to the potentially useful. Spotted this on the World Kindness Movement page on Facebook.

If he’s out there longer than an hour feeding those ducks, sling him in the back of the police van.

Something we started yesterday was grouping the increasingly unusual elements of behaviour together as the lockdown period continues.

I have three for your perusal today.

At first, I thought it was just a crash helmet, but the more often I watch, the final angle in the video makes it look like a stormtrooper helmet?! She was the third to be sent to the supermarket by Darth. The first two died in unfortunate accidents on the Death Star when he was trying to gesticulate he only needed a pinch of salt.

If this next item was just a still, I probably would’t believe it. It’s too perfect. The squirrel looks stuffed and I don’t mean he’s eaten too much. If it was simply a photograph for evidence, I’d most likely reckon, in the words of Brian Conley, “it’s a puppet”. Also, why would anyone think, ‘what can I do to help the country in this time of need? I know, I’ll build picnic tables for squirrels.’

Nuts.

That being said, I’m still trying to fathom the thinking behind, ‘what will I have for tea tonight? I know, bat soup!’

Yeah. Eureka.

Last in our slightly unusual category for today, these guys who were clearly missing the park, but have come up with a social distancing workaround, instead of, you know, going to the park for their allotted one hour of daily exercise.

Perhaps I’m wrong. Maybe there are more people at this kind of thing than just them, but I bet if there is, the novelty factor for most will wear down pretty quickly.

And the last thing you want to become in that scenario is part of a splinter group.

I reiterate this A LOT, but when backs are against the wall, that’s when you see the most brilliant responses. Businesses pivoting on a sixpence and altering what they do and how they do it in order to remain viable. People volunteering en masse to help the NHS. Communities coming together in the most elaborate of ways despite this being a time of having to remain physically apart. It’s the most bizarre of all sensations to think were it not for the backdrop of the situation that’s forced us here, we’d be in a golden era for creativity, generosity of spirit and community-mindedness.

This, I think, is our tiny glimpse into what it felt like living through a War.

Just think, whenever you say to an elderly relative, “it must’ve been awful back then”, they consider the thought for a moment and then misty-eyed, reply, “You know, in a strange way, it was a lovely time”.

You probably thought they were crackers. Perhaps now you see a sliver of that?

People. Are. Amazing. It simply requires an extraordinary set of circumstances for them to show it like they are now.

Nothing really captures the magnitude of it, like 8pm on a Thursday.

OK, time for the funnies.

And here’s something a little like comfort food. Always fun to look back at the legends. You know, if they were around today, they’d probably be stars on Tik Tok. This is a lovely side by side comparison of John C Reilly and Steve Coogan with the greats, Laurel and Hardy.

And now for today’s News In Brief.

And we’ll play out with some music. Gary Barlow’s been quietly, slavishly plying his trade in the background of all this, video calling friends from the music scene, and virtual duetting with them for something he’s called #TheCroonerSessions. For a while there, it felt like I was plugging him every day for what could end up being an album, so I moved away from it. In the meantime, he’s recorded a few more and they’re worth a look in terms of variety.

You should also note, I’ve included three below, and omitted the one which is probably the biggest cheesy crowd pleaser with Jason Donovan, but if you’re a fan, you can find it here.

And finally, one of the boys from Take That. Howard didn’t want to be involved. They’re supposed to be on time out, but Gary’s people waited for him in a park, cattle prodded him towards a tree, which Howard was made to tie himself against, before being told he wouldn’t be released until he recorded the duet. That’s probably not true, but definitely what I deduced from the picture.

Directors Of The Bored, I hope you’ve enjoyed today’s read. Remember, please share it far and wide to help us achieve our aim of spreading laughs quicker and for longer around the world than Coronavirus.

Oh, and if you can please record something funny on your phone for us. You telling a joke or funny story, or just something you spot on the street and hit record on. Get it to us and we’ll share it with the world to prove #LaughterSpreadsFaster.

DM me on twitter. WhatsApp or message me on Facebook. Search ‘sociable distance’

Stay safe x