Greetings Directors Of The Bored
And G’day to our new Australian chums. We see you. Every time this blog graces another country or continent we like to welcome them in officially.
Australia, thank you. Please helps us in our mission to spread laughs around the world quicker and for longer than Coronavirus. Share the blog. Tell a friend across The Ditch in New Zealand about us. I know the stretch of water is actually the Tasman Sea. Equally, I’m also aware The Ditch is what you guys call it.
And while you’re there Australia, can you answer a couple of questions?
Has the Golden Retriever population thrived since Helen Daniels stopped driving in Neighbours? I still miss Bouncer.
Also, how come you guys are allowed to enter Eurovision? I seem to remember a fudge a while back about it being a special case for an Anniversary Edition. Then you never left.
I barely care, but I’d like to know.
Ooh, just one more. Is Kylie OK? I’d ask her myself but that would be violating the court’s specific instructions.
EDIT: Quick Kylie stocktake
I can now rest easy as we crack on with the rest of the blog.
Ask anyone from an Ad Agency and they’ll tell you that the use of humour has long been one of the most popular ways of delivering your message to the masses. You can think of countless examples yourself in a click of your fingers. Even long-term campaigns.
Simples.
That method, clearly, is a more difficult sell when it comes to spreading the important instructions around halting the spread of Coronavirus, but even then it’s possible to squeeze it in.
Nicola Sturgeon managed last week with this tweet.
And now Gary Tank Commander’s getting involved.
Now something for the little (and not-so-little) Hogwarts fan in your life.
Yesterday, JK Rowling announced Harry Potter At Home
I think this is a lovely thing. I won’t lie. There’s a shop, so potentially a cost element attached, but there are some great resources which would ordinarily cost that have been opened up for free, and I for one know a little girl who’ll be over the moon to learn about Harry Potter At Home. It’s just a shame she’ll have to spend that entire time online in the cupboard under the stairs simply to make the process authentic.
Ah well.
Here’s some useful advice on “getting through” from some familiar names…
And from The Useful to The Unusual….
As this period in our lives wears on, we’re entering a phase where behaviour turns stranger, in humans and animals alike.
Kids, eh! I watched that and thought I’d happily have them mooching about here, if they’d agree to eat the worst of the lawn. Spring is definitely springing.
Humans are not immune to the behavioural madness falling upon some in the wake of social isolation and lockdown.
Daft as a pair of brushes.
And some bright spark thinks these will be a big seller at Easter. In truth, they’re probably right.
I’ll keep an eye on these increasingly common social isolation/lockdown quirks and report back. I don’t suppose it’s that big of a surprise to many.
Briefly, in “People Are Amazing”, (although quite frankly on a different day I could’ve just as easily stuck this in our new “Unusual” category), this lot who have a socially distant dance meet every morning.
You just know Miss Mustard Jumper is a “community champion” who revels in the role.
If this had been the plot for Street Dance the movie they’d never have got two follow-ups.
Here’s what happens when you scale down ‘Clap For Our Carers’ to make it a very personal experience.
Sweet, right? I know.
OK, here come the funnies.
First up, I almost feel sorry for Duncan, the comedy creation that is the third Murray Brother. The biggest reason for my sympathy is that Judy’s so bloody convincing!
That sketch part of the Jimmy Kimmel Show, as was this chat on April Fools’ Day with a couple of the cast of Modern Family as it winds its way to winding up in the States. Here’s Jimmy with Eric Stonestreet and Jessie Tyler Ferguson.
You know, I think Dad might be missing the pub. It’s just a hunch….
When you can’t get out, I suppose it’s just nice to see it being used. Meanwhile, this puppy prefers to stay inside.
And now the “News In Brief”
The only way to pull off a lockdown afternoon ‘quickie’ with their 8-year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Mars Bar and tell him to report on all the street activities.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:
‘There’s a car being towed from the car park,’ he shouted.
‘An ambulance just drove by!’
‘Looks like the Andersons have company,’ he called out.
‘Matt’s out on his bike and his mum is telling him off’
‘Looks as if the Sanders are going into full isolation!’
‘Jason has had his skate board taken off him
After a few moments he announced, ‘The Coopers are having sex!!’
Startled, his mum and dad shot up in bed!
Dad cautiously called out,
‘How do you know they’re having sex?’
‘Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Mars Bar’.
Next, to an increasingly disturbing trend. How many of THESE have you seen? Worse still, is your own wife sharing them willy nilly for a good laugh? Asking for a friend.
If you’ve been struggling with child-care this is what we’ve been doing. Only a pound a day as well.
From the Mouths Of Babes, and the Facebook Messenger of my brother.
What Is Butt Dust?
What, you ask, is ‘Butt dust’? What do you do or say, when an innocent child asks you something so innocent and they are so serious? Read on and you’ll discover the joy in it! These have to be original and genuine. No adult is this creative!!
MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn’t remember any more. Melanie said, ‘If you don’t remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.’
STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. ‘I love you so much that when you die I’m going to bury you outside my bedroom window.’
BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she’d have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: ‘How does it know it’s me?’
SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. ‘Please don’t give me this juice again,’ she said, ‘It makes my teeth cough.’
DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: ‘How much do I cost?’
CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, ‘I don’t know what’ll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?’
MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: ‘Why is he whispering in her mouth?’
TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, ‘Why doesn’t your skin fit your face?’
JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: ‘The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.’ Concerned, James asked: ‘What happened to the flea?’
The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget….
This particular Sunday sermon… ‘Dear Lord,’ the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. ‘Without you, we are but dust….’ He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, ‘Mom, what is butt dust?’
If you’ve read this blog before you’ll know by now, how I like to end on a song. Today we have two.
The first, comedic, with a serious backdrop.
The second, knitted into the fabric of Scotland, beautifully performed as always by Ricky Ross, but on this occasion, a poignant, timely reminder of what we’re up against. I don’t like to end on a downer, but on this occasion I make the exception.
Stay Safe x
Sociable Distance 
One thought on “Thursday April 2nd #LaughterSpreadsFaster”