Directors Of The Bored, Good Morning.
Also, Chào buổi sáng, Günaydın, God morgon, Habari ya asubuhi, Buenos días, Dzień dobry, Buongiorno, Kaliméra, zǎoān, shuprobhat and صباح الخير.
Which is “Good Morning” in Vietnamese, Turkish, Swedish, Swahili, Spanish, Polish, Italian, Greek, Chinese, Bengali and Arabic. The blog’s getting about a bit, and I don’t want to appear rude to any of our readers.
The fact we’re getting around the world is fantastic, because it aligns with our aim to make laughter spread faster and for longer than Coronavirus. We are your ‘Happy Place’. A virtual ‘Cheers’ where you can pull up a barstool, take a weight off and have a giggle when you need it, now more than ever.
Coming up today, our first ever deep cover, late night, pitch-black outside, undercover investigation. I’m building up these 40 something seconds way more than they deserve!
Plus, all the funnies of the day and some outstanding stay-at-home-recorded music videos.
But first, it’s April 1st, and it feels kind of strange.
Never can I think of a time where a watchful audience has been more primed for the joyful exploitation of April Fools’ Day, than right now in 2020, but it’s utterly impossible to hit the right note without being slaughtered for even trying, so I think most outlets are giving it a body swerve for fear of backlash. Probably the right shout to be honest.
In our house, historically, it was also my Nana’s birthday. Every year, we’d hold off on calling up, until the last possible moment, and then ring with a “SURPRISE!!! April Fool”. And every year she fell for it, or was charitable enough to act like she did.
That was back when I would’ve used this ALL the time.
It’s an antique Bell telephone, the kind the butler would bring out on a silver platter to the hotel guest receiving the incoming call. We picked this one up at a shop in Ballater. Still works perfectly. Occasionally, I’ll sit down with it and make a call when I want the world to slow down around me. Forget House Party. This is the telecommunication equivalent of writing a letter by hand. It has pride of place on a fireplace mantle in our house, and I distinctly remember my niece, (who’s now in her mid 20’s) asking, “What’s that?”
And she wasn’t kidding.
I felt about as old as Nana probably did when I was a wee boy ringing her.
Speaking of Nanas.
So, it’s April Fools’ Day, and there are none being played. Although I did spot this from the Prime Minister, and thought it must be.
I can’t remember where I saw or heard this being said first, but I recall thinking “I wonder if that’ll be true this time out”, in response to the suggestion one of the experts we hear from every day will become a star amongst them.
I think that’s happened, certainly in Scotland. And judging by the response to my tweet about it, I’m not alone.
Here’s something you might want to try in this period. I’ve heard of this kind of thing before, and largely speaking they’ve not taken off, because the human psyche is more readily drawn to bad news or scare-mongering than it is happy stories or the truth. What’s that James O’Brien analogy? ‘You’ll always sell more tickets for the ghost train than the speak your weight machine.’ The only flaw in that is that it doesn’t recognise the abject horror for some of us in the ‘Speak Your Weight’ machine, but I take the basis.
I wonder though if through a celebrity backer and host, combined with the right moment we’ve reached the tipping point for a channel which reports nothing but good news. You tell me. John Krasinski’s behind it. You’ll find it here. Can 10 million people be wrong?
EDIT: I watched it, and it’s brilliant.
Just before all the real funny stuff, our first deep cover, late night investigation.
For the record, my money’s on the pirate.
OK, time for the funnies!
And now the News In Brief
Husband:
My wife is missing.
She went out yesterday and has not come home…
Sergeant at Police Station:
What is her height?
Husband:
Gee, I’m not sure. A little over five-feet tall.
Sergeant:
Weight?
Husband:
Don’t know. Not slim, not really fat.
Sergeant:
Colour of eyes?
Husband:
Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.
Sergeant:
Colour of hair?
Husband:
Changes a couple times a year.
Maybe dark brown now.
I can’t remember.
Sergeant:
What was she wearing?
Husband:
Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don’t know exactly.
Sergeant:
What kind of car did she go in?
Husband:
She went in my Audi
Sergeant:
What kind of Audi was it?
Husband: (sobbing)
Audi A6 Avant Black Edition,
Ambient Lighting pack – A6, Front and outer rear heated seats, Valcona leather – Lunar silver + super sport seats, 3 spoke heated sports leather multifunction steering wheel with paddle shift, LED Matrix headlights with high beam assist, Pearlescent paint, Audi drive select, Audi parking system plus with front and rear sensors, Audible and visual fasten seat belt warning – front and rear, Cruise control, Driver’s information system, MMI SD card Navigation, Mobile telephone preparation, PAS, Service interval indicator, 3 point seatbelts on all seats, ABS-EBD, ASR traction control, Curtain airbags, Driver and passenger airbags, Driver-front passenger side airbags, Electromechanical parking brake, Electronic stability control, Front passenger airbag deactivation, Hill hold assist, Tyre pressure monitoring system, Warning triangle and first aid kit, Anti theft alarm, Anti-theft wheel bolts, Immobiliser, Keyless Start, Remote central locking, Audi music interface, Auxiliary input socket, DAB digital radio module, MMI Radio plus with CD player and bluetooth interface, SD card slot, USB connection, 12V power in rear centre console, 4 way electric lumbar support, 4 zone climate control, Aluminium door sill trims, Black cloth headlining, Double cargo floor, Electric front seats + driver memory, Front centre armrest, Front head restraints, Front-rear floor mats, Height adjustable front seats, Isofix front passenger and rear seat preparation, Jack and tool kit, Load lashing points, Luggage compartment cover, Luggage rails, Perforated leather gearknob, Rear headrests, Split folding rear seat, Auto dimming rear view mirror, Automatic headlights + automatic windscreen wipers, Body coloured bumpers, Body coloured door mirrors and handles, Body coloured roof spoiler, Door sill trims with S line logo, Electric front-rear windows, Headlight washers, High gloss black door mirrors, High gloss black finish B pillar, High gloss black triangular aperture at rear door, LED daytime running lights, LED rear lights, Light sensor, Platinum grey front lip spoiler, Privacy glass (to rear of B post), Rain sensor, Rear wiper, Alcantara door trim, Piano black finish inlay, Space saver spare wheel, Black Styling pack – A6 Avant, Non smoking pack – A6, Diesel particulate filter
(At this point, the sobbing has turned into a full cry.)
Sergeant:
Don’t worry buddy. We’ll find your Audi
And let’s play out with some music.
And from the established to the ‘finding their feet’. I think these girls are excellent.
That’ll do it for today.
Thanks for reading and watching
Stay safe. x
#LaughterSpreadsFaster
Sociable Distance 