Hello!
So Beyonce has her Beyhive. Taylor has her Swifties. Katy Cats go purrrrrry for Katy Perry. I don’t think Benedict’s all too comfortable with The Cumberbitches, but they’re out there. Lizzo fans identify as Lizzbians, and if you’re besotted with Chris Pine, then you are, of course, a Pine Nut.
The point being, what should I call you, my reader.
Distancers? The Sociables? How about Directors Of The Bored? I’ll leave it with you.
Here’s the broad bones of it – each blog documents roughly what’s going on out there throughout the Coronavirus period, but, for the most part, I leave the science and the disturbing stuff for people who know what they’re talking about. And Boris.
The aim, whilst you self isolate or take a break from work or home-schooling is to give you a giggle to get you through one day at a time. I also want you to take part, by recording yourself on your phone telling me a joke, or funny story, or capturing something funny as it happens. Then send it to me, via the contact section here on the blog, or on social media, search “sociable distance” and you can WhatsApp your video to me on Facebook or DM me by twitter. I LOVE seeing them. When you do, we’ll share them to prove laughter gets around this planet of ours more quickly and for longer than anything nasty the world chucks at us meantime. Which reminds me, if you do post a video, use #LaughterSpreadsFaster
Thanks.
Mother’s Day was markedly different this year. The really organised got stuck in via Face Time, the family huddled around the screen one end of the conversation enthusiastically waiting to yell “Happy Mother’s Day” and have a chat. Meanwhile on the receiving end, a picture of a vase or light fitting as Mum got to grips with the technology, expecting to lay the phone down on the coffee table and an image of the family to appear like the Genie rising from the lamp. I’ve always believed there’s one secret button in the world, that no-one will ever find, except for a straying Mum trying to join online Bingo or subscribe to Reader’s Digest online. They push the button, thinking ‘this’ll cover it all in one shot’ and whoosh, the internet closes for EVERYONE.
But you go right ahead and FaceTime. I’m sure it’ll be fine.
I liked this
But, winning twitter on Mother’s Day, rather cheekily, this Dad.
It’s an emotional roller-coaster this, isn’t it?
If it wasn’t for the reason, “why”, this last week would have been the dawn of a golden age for ingenuity and creativity, and I absolutely LOVE some of the things I’ve watched, read and listened to. I try to curate the best of them on the blog.
I think, humans as a species, in times of crisis gravitate towards what makes us feel safe. The people we love, and the things that we do to make us feel good. Perhaps there’s a sense of duty to attempt to provide the world with a slice of what we know we’re good at to try and help the overall cause of rallying.
One thing I’ve said before now is creatives gotta create. And that’s why we’ll end on a bit of a musical special below.
But before that, as much as I try to steer away from the negative stuff, when it physically appears on your doorstep it’s difficult to turn a blind eye.
I’m fortunate enough to live about halfway between Aberdeen and Balmoral. It’s a beautiful part of the world. Relatively remote, although not entirely cut off from civilisation. Jokingly, we call it The Deeside Riviera. Completely seriously, estate agents (referring to the relatively robust house prices), talk about the ‘Deeside Corridor’.
To someone from a hugely populated part of Britain, it’s probably the back edge of beyond, so, naturally, one of the places to lead your convoy of caravans and motorhomes attempting to outrun Coronavirus.
Wow.
This period is not a free holiday. What if you’ve already brought the virus with you as an unwelcome travel companion? You could be about to become seriously ill in a part of the world that was poorly equipped for ventilators for the population already living here BEFORE Coronavirus – a point made yesterday by an MP from the Western Isles. And now you’re potentially exacerbating the issue.
As I say, I live in Deeside, but was raised in Inverness. As a general rule of thumb, the further North you go in these islands, the quieter things become, both the number of people living there, and the demeanour of the individuals themselves.
Doors are left open, bikes un-padlocked outside houses, and, like the Boston Bar ‘Cheers’, everybody knows your name.
Communities in places like Durness aren’t working on building additional ventilators, they’re still making parts for Spitfires for the War effort. Word hasn’t reached them.
Generally speaking, Highlanders are a laid back, welcoming, generous people, proud to show you their hospitality and the majesty and wonder of the backdrop nature has provided them.
But not now.
Not in this moment.
By the way, if you’re Orcadian, right now I’d be setting up gun turrets and a rocket launcher on The Old Man Of Hoy.
As I write, the bell should be ringing for the start of the school day. A couple of pointers.
It’s important to remain firm with the class.
All joking aside, one thing I thought was useful in this period is that Joe Wicks is doing PE with Joe, daily at 9, on youtube.
Or, you know, if you’re comfortable enough to set up a workout on your own.
OK, we end on a musical flourish today, AFTER a few funnies in brief.
And finally for today, we finish with a song, or rather several of them.
First up, Steve Martin.
Gary Barlow’s latest guest on The Crooner Sessions, Alfie Boe.
Also, The Police are performing again.
THIS is beautiful.
BUT, winning the internet right now, Neil Diamond. Listen really carefully, and marvel that he managed to play right to the end even though the end of his guitar was on fire.
Thanks for reading.
Stay safe.
#LaughterSpreadsFaster
Sociable Distance 